Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize