Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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