Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
