I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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