they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
