Your face is a jimmy john
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
