i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We're too hungover to prance.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
