Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
