no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
