Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
