mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
