New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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