I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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