But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
