Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
