I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
