I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
