hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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