im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
