What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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