Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got chris browned last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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