Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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