Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
