I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
