So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
