I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You are a genius and a whore.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
