She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
