He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
