a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
