I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
