I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
