pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
