you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize