I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
