i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
