This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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