he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
