I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
