saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Couch. On fire.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
