Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
