She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
