You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You pole danced in your parka.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
