Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
