States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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