i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize