Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
