college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
