okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
