Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
