So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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