Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He felt like a one man threesome
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
