So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
