just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
