i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
