someone get that fucking seahorse.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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