i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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