How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
