He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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