we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
