you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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