my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
